Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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