Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
