I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He felt like a one man threesome
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
