My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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