He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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