I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
