Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
