I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
