I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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