i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
