Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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