shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
