If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize