Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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