I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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