I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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