sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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