When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
