i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize