thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
