I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
