I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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