Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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