I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
no, he came in my armpit
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
