There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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