New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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