Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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