I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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