I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
