but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
