Got a toothbrush?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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