I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
