True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
