u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
