I wish life had little blips of pornography
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
