i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
