laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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