so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
