So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
