i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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