why didn't you poke me back
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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