Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
