yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
