The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i love accidental penises.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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