dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
