I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
