I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
