she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
