Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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