I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
