no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
