Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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