You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
