i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
