i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
