hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
