My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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