i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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