he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
