I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize