I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
True college students do jello shots in the library
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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