"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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