I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
