I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
