i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
