I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
