That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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