I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
