Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
